Question...

I just feel like distancing myself from others, from most people too. Why is that?

Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus - Must See!

This is incredible and I had to share it! Enjoy!

COMMUNICATE!!!

Why can't we all just communicate?! It is so frustrating to me. Why do we as people have extremely narrow views of things, people and the world? I am so frustrated right now. I am tired as being seen as who I was and not as I am. (Now as I say this I realize I am not perfect in this area and I NEED to work on it too, but nevertheless I am frustrated.) I am tired of selfish people who see things their way and only their way. I try to see things from others perspectives, I know I fall short but could others please cut me some slack from time to time and try to understand where I am coming from? I mean I get it your point of view is just as important as mine but please show some respect for mine as well. And please try to understand me, I try to understand you. AND I AM NOT A LITTLE KID AND NOR HAVE I BEEN FOR MANY YEARS AND WHAT I HAVE TO SAY IS NOT WORTHLESS OR POINTLESS. It has Value! So please listen! I try and do the same for you.

Thorns

Thorns in my side.

We all have thorns in our sides. We may not like them and they may cause great pains and or difficulties. Though at times I hate mine, ultimately I am grateful for thorns in my side, for these thorns help me turn to the Lord for His assistance. I like to think of them as "The Lord's Fail Safe System", He has for us. He gives us these thorns so that we humble ourselves and turn to Him, which draws us closer to Him and we grow further seated in the path that leads us back to Him. It's His fail safe system to ensure we make it back. Though many won't flip that switch that activates the Fail Safe System (which I think starts with prayer) because of pride and stubbornness, many more will. Sometimes it's activated out of shear desperateness and we have nowhere else to turn, or out of simple faith of knowing the Lord can help but no matter the reason for flipping the switch that fact that we do is what is important. So the effectiveness of the system is intact and one I am grateful for, regardless of the pains and struggles they cause me, because ultimately they help me back to where I want to be; with my Father in Heaven.

So I hope you take a moment and think of the Thorns in your side and take the time to be grateful for what I call "The Lord's Fail Safe System." Those thorns that if we'll flip the switch activates this System as we humble ourselves and turn to Him!

You know it's funny how life can seem so bleak then in a short time the Lord shows you the great blessings He has for you.

Alone: pullings from my heart

Sometimes I feel alone. I can be surrounded by lots of people whom i know, yet I feel alone. People I know who care. Yet alone because no one knows me, no one knows who i am inside. They don't know my heart, the deepest parts of it. They don't know where I go when i'm in pain or when I feel so low. they don't see me. they don't see that i need to be seen. yet there i am in plain view, i'm not in a corner, I'm in front of you. I see you, but do you see ME? I dare say no, you don't for you seem to just over look, or through as if i am not there. Why must this be? I want to be seen, i want you to see, i must be seen. So where are my friends that see me? Where have they been hiding? I look and wonder do you see me? Do you know how much I want to be seen? Do you know i need to be seen? Do you know I am not as tough as i seem? I need thee, just as you need me.

When i sat down to work on the blog I felt anxious and not at ease. But then I noticed someone had made a comment and suddenly things changed. I can't say I feel 100% better but it got mind off of things and that was a good thing, it is exactly what i needed.

Question do you ever think that you over think stuff? I think I do. For example i think i've over thought my recent interactions with some friends and what perhaps their thoughts were as well. When if I break it down there is nothing to concern myself with. I am just fine. I think it is just the insecure side of me popping up. It's a side I don't like to show, but it's a side of me and thus a part of me. We all have insecurities, so why need I worry. Things are just fine. T'inquiète pas! (Don't you worry!)

Long Boards!

The peace

The speed

The rhythm

The Sound

The wind

The Freedom

When I'm out boarding its a piece of serenity. The wind in my face, the sound of the wheels flying over the ground is all fantastic to me. It feels so good and free. I love IT!

Brittany's Long Board Fund!

Ok, so I've decided to finally take up long boarding. I've wanted to for I don't know how many years. I really miss being on a skateboard and well long boarding is more my style. So to take up long boarding, I need a long board and well they don't come cheap. So if any of you out there are trying to get rid of one shoot me a hello.

Oh and to help expedite the long board dream coming true, I am seriously accepting any all donations to the Brittany's Long Board Fund. If necessary a Pay Pal will be setup. Thank you! The fund is currently at about, 0.1% full.

Updates will be given.

26 July 2010

Ok so my long board fund is still at .1%, but I was given a great idea today, to stand out on a corner and ask for money. I would be honest as to why i am asking and I think I may even put a count down on the sign too. Hmmm...

28 July 10

Ok so my fund is now 20 cents higher. Still a long ways from my goal. So I've started making a sign. I'm planning on going out tomorrow and the next day if necessary. My goal is $200. Wish me luck!

Our True Identity

_____+_____=_____

Me+The Temple=Peace and Happiness!!

I love it!!!

Me+Circle of Life song from Lion King= Interpretive dance!

Dogs+Cats=Fight

Me+6:30am=Groggy

Me+Long Board=Rockin' time!

Too Good NOT to Share!

I just watched the talk Elder Uchtdorf (a living apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ) and I loved it. The message he shares rings so true and I think is very applicable to today. Here watch for yourself (it's worth your time)(:

http://broadcast.lds.org/general-conference/2010-april/2010-04-3040-president-dieter-f-uchtdorf-eng.mp4

This too shall pass.

So I am feeling a bit on a roller coaster these days. I feel I am up and then I am down. I think it could be a nutrition thing or maybe I am hormonal or maybe it's just a fluke. Maybe it's that I am stressed, oh I sound like some little weak woman, but on the contrary, I am much stronger than I sound, I think I am just in a funk or something. This too shall pass.

Happenings in my life

20 July 2010

You know growing ones hair out has its' "interesting" stages. I feel I am entering one of them! :P

It was another good day, it was a pleasant and nice and church was good. Yesterday was wonderful. It started with going to the gym followed by the tire shop, grocery shopping, the temple, cooking, cleaning paper work for work, and relaxing. It was a good day. I really liked it. But Friday night was quite lovely. I had date with Shawn. It was a triple date and best of all we had a nice time. He got my number and said he'd call. I hope he does. We are friends now on facebook. I sent him a message that said that I had a nice time and thanked him. I sent him a message today... well maybe I'll paste it in here so you can read it.

RANDOM!!!!!!!

Ok, I sit down to dinner with my dad and my phone rings, it's my apartment mate, so pick I it up, thinking she doesn't call just because. She tells me her uncle (who I've never meet nor did I know his name) has something for me and to just go with it. He has his own business, so I think maybe it's about a job. Well it wasn't. The conversation ended with setting me up on a date with a friend of his to go horseback riding. Random!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok update. This is way random, but great. So the date got changed due to a pregnant horse. We ended up going to a dinner theatre and saw Joseph and the Amazing Technacolor Coat. It didn't give us as much time to talk as I would have liked but it was still good. The food was yummy, the show was enjoyable and he was cute and pleasant and chill, all of which I liked. We have quite a bit in common. He got my digits and said he'd see me again. So we'll see. I'm interested. Food for thought, I like his presence, it's calming.

7 Aug 2010

Update, I've decided I am closing the book on him. I don't think he is interested in me. I have made efforts and come up with stuff for us to do but I don't think anything is going to happen, I think that he is not interested in me. I would have at least liked the chance to have gotten to know him better, but it doesn't seem like that is going to happen.

But the thing that gets me the most that this just seems to always happen to me. What's wrong with me?

Thoughts...

Why can't people just be considerate others and think outside of themselves? I know that I am guilty of this too, but being on the end of receiving end of not being considerate can be quite painful. And frankly I don't like being walked on. I do try to be considerate of others, though I know I fall short, but really it hurts to be treated like you don't matter. I guess that is why this individual who recently was inconsiderate of me was inconsiderate, because perhaps they felt the same about me. But I tried to be understanding and I even made compromises where they didn't, they didn't even recognize how I felt as ok, or acceptable, or plausible. I wasn't asking them to agree with me just recognize me and my point of view that it has some value and not look at me like "yah right, whatever." I hate it when people are narrow minded. (I know that I can be and it's something I'm working on.) And to top it all off this is a person who I can't just ignore without worsening the situation, so I have to find a solution, because being walked on is NOT okay!

Random Things About ME!

I like to find movies that are real feel gooders and when I do I seem to watch them over and over. I do the same thing with music. It's like I watch it till I have it memorized or something. Any who that is the random thing I just, felt I, HAD to share. :)

Life changes and new directions!

So after much contemplation I am changing the direction of my life. I finally feel ready to go on in school. I had been focussing on the next step of life, well the step of marriage and well I don't see that the step I am to make at this point. If it was I think more would be happening in that department i.e. I'd be dating or at least have some real prospects. So since I don't and as I said after much contemplation I am changing the direction or the goals of my life. Marriage is still a part of it I am just preparing myself for the probability of not getting married any time soon. And well working for 10 dollars and feeling like I am scrapping by is not preparing me for much. I have had a desire to go on in school for some time and since my BS in psychology doesn't help me much as just a BS other than I enjoy the topic, I have decided to go on and get my Masters in Recreational Therapy AKA Therapeutic Recreation!

I have thought about this for sometime. I was really turned on to the idea when I did my internship at BYU at the state hospital. There I worked with the Licensed Clinical Social Worker and the Recreational therapy team. I learned there that I had a knack for the recreational stuff and connecting with the patients in that environment whereas I didn't with the social work stuff. I had never considered it until one day after an activity with the patients the Rec Therapist said to me, you should become a rec therapist and the idea grew from there. I am excited about this new chapter and endeavor I am beginning! I'll keep you posted.

Money/Finances

Finances, bleh! They can be such a pain.

Quirks!

So I've noticed I have many issues of not having complete control over my home environment and I have regiments that I seem to expect others to follow (though I don't seem to let them know in a non-joking manner, in other words I seem to always make a joke out of it.) For example tonight my new apartment mate took pillows from the couch (a community property couch) to her room to use on her bed until her other pillows have been washed and it really bugged me because it was changing the "balance" of the aesthetics of the room, without my foreknowledge or consent. In fact, it didn't just bug me, it made me really uneasy and anxious. Wow, weird huh?!

As I think about it I think this is rooted in how I didn't have a lot of control of things in my home environment as a child. My dad was and still a hoarder (though my mom did a fairly good job of keeping the bulk of it out of our living spaces). That and things weren't too stable as a child. But even if it is rooted in the above reasons, I am an adult so I'll accept responsibility for my quirks and work on not allowing them to interfere with my life.

So I think I can be way too introspective of myself and/or over think things. I also don't like social settings where there is a lot of people and it is crowded. I find it overwhelming.

I am just so stinkin' tired of things as they are. I am sick of being single, I am tired of feeling lonely. I am lonely. I want change. I want attention!!!! I WANT ATTENTION!!!! I want to be noticed by people. I want to be seen. I want things to be better. I want to feel noticed. I want to feel pretty and good and cared for. I want to feel pretty and good. I to feel happy about my life. I guess I am just depressed. I want more than I currently have. I want to feel peaceful about my life. I want to like my work and to have fun too. I want my financial ends to meet. I want peace. I want less anxiety and more fun. I want to know I am cared about. I know my father in heaven cares about me I have a testimony of this and I think this is just one of those times where he is letting me struggle for some reason, to grow and learn and such. I HATE THINGS AS THEY ARE!!!!so that says to me change, already. that is much easier said than done. then i say change what? Change spiritually, ok I can read the scriptures more consistantly and attend the temple more regularly, I feel anxiety in thinking of this all. I am afraid of failure. I hate not being perfect. I hate fallng short. I want a friend! A friend who is there for me and cares for me as I would and do for others. I want someone who needs me. And I know the Savior does, but sometimes you just want and earthly being to. Particularity of the opposite sex.

Okay this is ironic, I am sitting here getting this post done and what comes on Pandora "You are Loved (Don't Give Up)" by Josh Groban. Thank you Lord, I won't give up, even though at times I really want to. For in the end this to shall pass, right?!

PS I'd suggest reading the first comment to this post.